My Boyfriend Doesnt Last Very Long In Bed

There's this guy on holiday, right? he's caught in a storm. He's about to go into deep hypothermia, when he sees a monastery. He trudges up to the door, and knocks. After a few moments, a wizened old monk opens the door. The warm air hits the guy's face and he groans in pleasure. "Can I please stay the night? I'll freeze to death!" The Monk shakes his head slowly. "I am sorry, my son. You are not a monk." "Oh, please, brother? I'm going to die!" reluctantly, the monk allows him to stay. On one condition... "You must not question the demonic noises you shall hear in the night." The man goes to bed and thaws. After a while, he hears a creaking sound. His eyes snap open, and look round quickly. He hears a door creak open and slam. He sits bolt upright. His door has not moved. He can hear footsteps. Boots on stone. Soon, it changes to wet footsteps. He hears a soft splashing, and water quietly sloshing around. Then, all is quiet. Then, suddenly, there was a tremendous rattling of chains, a calamour that went on for so long... until it was replaced by a heavy breathing. Then, a screaming, wailing howl reverberated off the caste walls... and then there was silence. He couldn't sleep the rest of the night. That howl... It was the last of the noises he heard, yes. That was true. But, he had to find out what was causing it. He begged the monk to stay another night. The storm had abaded, and it was a pleasant day, forecasted to be pleasant at night. The monk refused. The man thought cunningly: "If I can make myself sick, I may be able to stay the night!" So, he was sure to be around when anyone coughed, he stood in buckets of ice, and he induced vomiting. Finally, by night time, he was sick. The monk allowed him to stay another night. Once again, the creaking sound of a door. Footsteps. Boots on stone. Wet footsteps. Soft splashing, and water quietly sloshing around. The tremendous rattling of chains, the heavy breathing. Then, a screaming, wailing howl, that made him quaver in his bed. He had to ask. When he did, the monk refused to tell him, on the grounds that he was not a monk, and that it is a monk secret. The man pestered him throughout the day, and finally, the man agrees to inaugurate him. He stays at the monastery for a few months, then finally, it is time. The head monk led him to see the secret of the monks. The door creaked open. Their footsteps echoes down the wide halls. Their boots clumped on stone. The ground became damp, and their footsteps became wet. They encountered a cave filled with water. They softly splashed off in a boat, the water sloshing around them. They came to a door wrapped in chains. They rattled loudly as they were undone. The head monk paused to look at him. a heavy breathing filled the chamber. The monk spun round, flung open the doors, and then- (Pause here until person asks what happens next) I can't tell you that! You're not a monk!!! Oh, that was terrible. I used this joke as an example at: http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiCh6xEqXXk5QxLg1cvP80vg5gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20090527002139AAkKFC9&show=7#profile-info-np8LVz0Eaa Yes, this is MEANT to end with a groan and be heaps long, it's a shaggy dog joke, ya dumba sses...

HOLY EFFING SHIZZLE!!! =O WHOAH......!! You should of refused the FIRST night she wanted 2 crawl in bed w/u,DANG!! Or 2 least refused when u felt the earge to practically rape her! Did she refuse?? If not then it wasn't rape.....but God dang man!!

of course i would im not that shallow, if a chick is really into you and you may not be the best in bed im sure she'll work on it with you not just to give her the luvin she craves but also to boost your confidence and make you feel more comfortable

What you've stated isn't untrue or false. Honestly though, If this is really what you devote your evenings too I'm going to have to recommend that you go out, find a big penis, and occupy your hands. Nobody needs to read your judgemental crap.

I would say first person narrative, it lets the reader join the story with you, seeing what you see sort of thing. Lets them take on your views and get more involved in the story.

Ummm... Seriously, Kinsey showed conclusively that 70% of males ejaculated within 2 minutes of penetration. 12 minutes is LONG not short - despite what rap music and lies from other people have told you. The stop and go method reduces sensation during orgasm and isn't particularly good for sexual health - you would be better off avoiding it. You are getting both of you to orgasm, I suggest not worrying and enjoying sex instead - for real. Kind thoughts, Hermes

apparntly wrap your figers around the top of your thingee the closest to your sack when your about to and it will delay it some more. or who cares take out clean up and carry on thats still good going limp after aint cool thou

I just read your last question. When you say HELP ME BEFORE I LET HIM GO,how can you not think that's exactly what you mean. Sounds like the guilt from peoples comments just got to you.

Don't get in an all fired hurry. Take your time. Don't get all nervous & uptight. Stress & anxiety can wreck it for you if you let it. Don't try to be perfect - there's no such thing!

20 minutes not enough? You mean with forplay? Of course, thats not enough for a horny chick like you. Give him massages and spend more time in foreplay.

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My Boyfriend Doesnt Last Very Long In Bed

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